If you really knew me..
you would know that I've spent so
many days crying because of my parents.
They fight everyday and have given us
a divorce scare many times. They decided
that they would get a divorce once we all
move out to start our own life, so they
won't ruin our family.
If you really knew me.. you would know that
I wish everyday that my parents would just
go ahead and get a divorce. I'm so sick of
their fighting and sometimes I think, maybe
it is better if they just split up.
If you really knew me.. you would know how
scared I get.. about everything. I get scared
by my parents, I get scared by the future,
I get scared about being alone.
If you really knew me.. you would know that
sometimes I feel like there is no guy in the
world for me. Sometimes, I just get so scared
that I'll never get married or have kids or
find somebody that was made for me.
If you really knew me.. you would know that I
hate so many things about myself. Sometimes when
I say something, I just wish I could take it back.
For how stupid it sounds, and the fact that I can't
believe I would say something like that. I just hate
looking stupid and I don't want anybody to see my
flaws. But no matter how hard I try to hide half
of my self from the world, it gets hard. I don't
want to hide half of it, but I don't want people
to realize how dumb I am.
If you really knew me.. you would know how shy I
really am, and how much I wish I was more outgoing.
I'm so shy and I just can't put myself out there.
People think I'm boring, but in reality I'm just
shy and quiet, and nobody understands that.
If you really knew me.. you would know that I am
happy with who I am, but I always feel like there
is somebody better then me. Because there IS always
somebody better then me. I can never be the best
friend to that person, or the one who made the
highest grade on that test. It feels like I'll
never find somebody for me, because there will
always be somebody better then me for them.
If you really knew.. you would know how insecure I really am. You would know that I've drifted apart from so many amazing friends. You would know how many times I've hit rock bottom. You would know that sometimes I just want to disappear.
oh god that's a lot.