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stephaloo
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claire
madi of suburbia
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    If You Really Knew Me -Amber

    Amber
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:19 pm

    If You Really Knew Me...


    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I really do have OCD.
    Since I was younger I have done things that I just now realized are very OCD-like behavior
    I remember in elementary I was teased for smelling my food before I ate it.
    But I couldn't stop.
    I don't really know how it stopped, but it did.
    I go through different phases of obsession, and eventually grow out of it.
    Luckily it is not as serious as ones I have seen on TV.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I am scared to hang out with people because I don't know what to do or say.
    I tend to talk about school a lot, but have learned that people don't want to talk about it,
    so I really don't like to hang out with people one on one.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I'd much rather stay at home than go out and do something with people.
    Because I don't like to talk in fear of annoying others, I keep to myself.
    Although this becomes a problem when I get bored and need something to do.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    My life is a bunch of lists.
    No joke. They're everywhere.
    Every notebook I have ever started has almost nothing except for lists.
    Lists about the weather, lists about make up to try, lists about who to invite to my grad party.
    You name it, and I've probably made a list for it.
    Sometimes I cannot even function unless I make a list.
    Such as homework, I won't start it until I make a list of what all I need to do, and what order to do it it.
    It's pathetic, but it's probably something I will never stop.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I have cried myself to sleep several times because I think about death.
    Whether it's death in my family, my friends, or my own death.
    Now, I am not really scared of it anymore, and would almost prefer to die young, I used to be terrified of it.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    My used to think my parents were going to get divorced, and that scared the hell out of me
    I know parents always bicker, but as a child I hated seeing my parents fight, and I would hide up in my room once I heard them arguing.
    It would kill me if they ever split up, but the little things that bring them closer make my day. (:

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I constantly think of myself as unattractive and fat.
    I really can't help myself.
    My self-esteem lowers when my shorts are snug, when my face breaks out, etc.
    I make diet and exercise lists when I just feel like I need to lose weight.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    As selfish as it sounds, I like to talk about myself and my involvements, because it makes my feel important.
    I always think if people know about me, they may think of me more, and I can make more friends.
    When people tell me I'm pretty or that I'm nice it really does make my day.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I am one of the most paranoid people you will ever meet.
    A lot of my friends party, and they drink, smoke, and have sex.
    I would never be able to do any of these because of all the paranoia that goes on in my head.
    (I would never want to smoke anyways) but I would be paranoid of getting caught, being looked down upon, getting pregnant.
    I am paranoid of people thinking bad thoughts about me, thinking that my body is misshaped, ugly, or not right.
    All of these things keep me from doing not only those things, but even just going out at night.
    and I feel like if I don't experience it now, that I may feel pressured in college because I have no clue about anything.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I love designing, but I am scared for what people think.
    I am business manager for my high school newspaper, which may require designing ads at some point.
    Now if the client doesn't like the ad, I feel bad and begin to look down on myself for not doing a better job.
    I get anxiety over the little things, like did I include the right things in my essay, is so-and-so still mad at me? Things like that.

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I am addicted to facebook.
    I am on all day, everyday.
    and sometimes, the things I see, can put me down.
    Like this boy I like.
    The moment I try to forget about him, is when he starts popping up all over my screen.
    Like in mutual friends, other people's friends, ads, everywhere!
    Then I will see that someone had a party, and didn't invite me or something, just annoying little things. It sucks. But being on RV, has distracted me a little bit from it. So thank youu! (:

    If you really knew me, you'd know that...
    I am a peace keeper
    I am not one to share my bad opinions about someone.
    I just feel bad for some reason.
    I like for everyone around me to be happy, and if that means sacrifices, then so be it.



    and now that my list is now forever long, I will leave you with that. I may think of things later.
    (:
    Thank you for letting me share, and thank you for reading. You guys know more than my actual family knows.


    Last edited by Amber on Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:56 pm; edited 1 time in total
    madi of suburbia
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    Post by madi of suburbia Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:29 pm

    first off, when i needa n ad I'M IRING YOU!
    secondly, you have an amazing body (i mean, i know. i saw that video of you!)
    and your insanley pretty.

    and if you need to talk, i'm here.
    we are REALLY alike.
    Amber
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:36 pm

    awee, thank you madi! (:
    I love you!

    You are amazing. times infinity. Wink
    madi of suburbia
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    Post by madi of suburbia Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:42 pm

    i love you times forever
    claire
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    Post by claire Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:49 pm

    oh my god, amber, i love you so much.
    you are one of the most gorgeous people i know. i swear, you look like gemma ward.
    you're funny, amazing, nice, and loyal.
    and i love lists too. x]

    <33

    Amber
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:51 pm

    hehhe, good!

    If You Really Knew Me -Amber Pictur14
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:52 pm

    Awee! Claire!
    You are just a ball of sunshine!
    You always make my day.
    hmm, I don't know who gemma ward is, but I am looking her up now. (:
    love you forever bff! (:
    madi of suburbia
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    Post by madi of suburbia Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:53 pm

    i'll have to make you a sign when no one is here!
    [aka tommorrow when i'm all gross and sweaty!]

    YOURE ARE MAH NEWSY BFF TOO!
    YAAAY!

    *muah! mwah!*
    Amber
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:54 pm

    ahh, shes pretty. I wish I could model! (:
    Thank you love!
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:55 pm

    awee, yeahh thats why I did mine now, I haven't worked out today. ahah. I hate when my hair is in a pony, because my part makes it look weird. lol
    <3
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    Post by amber- Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:07 pm

    Oh wow, Claire is right! You sorta do like Gemma Ward!! =D

    I love the layout of this<33
    Secondly, you seem like a really incredible person, Amber(:
    Haha I think I should take a hint from you about making lists. x]
    You're gorgeous and try not to think otherwise<33
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    Post by stephaloo Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:12 pm

    i love youuuuu amberrr <3333
    you are amazing AND YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE GEMMA WARD.
    omg.
    random: its beeen too long since we've talked! <3
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:30 pm

    awee, I absolutely love you girls for thinking I look like her! (:
    What is she from? lol
    and Amber, you should see all the lists I have made, its crazy. ahhah. <33
    Steph, I know! How are you darling?! Love you too! <33
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    Post by claire Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:54 pm

    haha she's a runway/magazine model. <33


    Last edited by loony on Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:00 pm; edited 1 time in total
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:57 pm

    And you guys think I look like her?! A model?
    You girls are amazing. <33
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    Post by madi of suburbia Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:08 pm

    Amber wrote:awee, yeahh thats why I did mine now, I haven't worked out today. ahah. I hate when my hair is in a pony, because my part makes it look weird. lol
    <3


    my hairs up all fancy!
    we did a hair class, and it look pretty.
    my hairs normally up ina bun<33
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:10 pm

    awee! I bet it looks lovely dear! (: I love hair classes! I wish you could come over and do my hair! Do you know how to french braid? Becaues I totally need to learn how! lol
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    Post by madi of suburbia Thu Jul 29, 2010 8:14 pm

    braid yes, but french braid no.
    i'll take a pic of my hair before i go and shower though!
    Amber
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:34 pm

    okay! (: I've tried to teach myself how to french braid, but no luck. lol
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    Post by erika! Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:38 pm

    aweh i can relate to some of that
    im sorry youre amazing i love you<3
    k.dAisy
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    Post by k.dAisy Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:40 pm

    awhhh amber you're gorgeous!
    and i'm supeerrr paranoid too.
    like it gets really bad sometimes:/
    but you're amazing just the way you are!(:
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:44 pm

    Thank youu Daisy! (:
    I am totally jealous of your smile. Its like stunning!
    and yeahh, like I can't cheat, skip class, and all that stuff, which I guess is good, but you know everybody does it and never gets caught so what the hell? lol
    k.dAisy
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    Post by k.dAisy Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:53 pm

    awhh thanks ;D
    and i know!
    like i can never do anything bad in school.
    cause i'm too afraid i'll get in trouble.
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    Post by Amber Thu Jul 29, 2010 9:59 pm

    omgosh. I wish you went to my school, we could be best friends!
    I need a best friend at school. (: Move to Iowa Please! ahha.
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    Post by Laurenlove Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:25 am

    Amber what are you talking about? You are so freakin pretty♥
    And along time ago I would cry about dying but now im over it!
    I feel so bad for you and everyone and btw I love your handwriting!
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    Post by Amber Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:50 am

    Awee thank you so much Lauren! (:
    You just made my day.
    Getting all these things out make me feel so much better though.
    Love you so much girl!
    <33
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    Post by RV Awards Sun Aug 22, 2010 2:40 pm

    you too!

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