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Just Breathe.
The pain inside of me is building like the pressure of holding your breath too long underwater. That pressure right in your chest.
It's so tight that it hurts. As strange as it sounds, I like the pain.
It's so tight that it hurts. As strange as it sounds, I like the pain.
Every night, this is what I do.
I'd sit down on my bed, stare at my computer screen and hold my breath while my eyes filled with hot, sorrowful tears. Then, when I would escape my breath, I'd shut my eyes shut, feel the tears leak and then spend hours crying until I fell asleep.
I'd sit down on my bed, stare at my computer screen and hold my breath while my eyes filled with hot, sorrowful tears. Then, when I would escape my breath, I'd shut my eyes shut, feel the tears leak and then spend hours crying until I fell asleep.
I honestly felt miserable living this life of mine.
Although, to others it may seem that I have it all and maybe even, more. I live in a good house, have cute clothes, and I look beautiful but I don't feel it.
Although, to others it may seem that I have it all and maybe even, more. I live in a good house, have cute clothes, and I look beautiful but I don't feel it.
The inside can be highly different to the outside.
In the inside, I sob myself to sleep every night because I wish that
I have more friends. I wish that people liked me. I wish that boys liked me. I wish that I have a boyfriend. I wish that I was happy.
In the inside, I sob myself to sleep every night because I wish that
I have more friends. I wish that people liked me. I wish that boys liked me. I wish that I have a boyfriend. I wish that I was happy.
Yet, when I wake-up, I find that nothing has changed just my soulful eyes from the night before are now swollen and empty. Every morning, after crying myself to sleep, I feel dead. Sick even.
Every morning, I still drag myself out of bed like a zombie to get ready for school and every morning I put on a mask that makes me look like a completely happy and grateful person when in reality, I'm fooling no one but myself.
I know the truth.
I just don't want to hear it.
I just don't want to hear it.
All I ever wanted was for someone to just listen to me.
They didn't need to answer or give me sympathy. Just listen. Just so I can let it all out in the open and be able to put my head on their shoulder once I was done.
They didn't need to answer or give me sympathy. Just listen. Just so I can let it all out in the open and be able to put my head on their shoulder once I was done.
I can't do that though because with everyone I've talked to. They turned their back on me and backstabbed me. In the end, I have to deal with that pain.
I just hate who I am.
Why couldn't I be different?
Why couldn't I be happy with myself?
Why couldn't I be happy with myself?
Well, I'm not.
Yet, no matter how hard I'm hurting inside,
I still manage to put a smile on my face and
keep strutting up and down the halls, greeting
everyone with a simple hello. Not even caring if
they answer me or not.
I still manage to put a smile on my face and
keep strutting up and down the halls, greeting
everyone with a simple hello. Not even caring if
they answer me or not.
What I have is strength. I have hope.
I have hope for a better tomorrow.
And until that day comes, I'm just
going to stand tall and wait patiently
for that day.
I have hope for a better tomorrow.
And until that day comes, I'm just
going to stand tall and wait patiently
for that day.
I'm not going to give-up.
I'm not going to back down.
I'm not going to back down.
Only because I've been told that I'm not a quitter.
I'm a winner.
I'm a winner.
And so, I'll win this battle that's inside of me right now.
Just like my Dad who fought his battle and won.
Just like my Dad who fought his battle and won.
Miracles do happen.
I just wonder why God makes us wait such a long time before
it actually happens.
it actually happens.
