by kelsie.shay. Sun Sep 12, 2010 8:01 pm
T W O
I pushed through the door of the daycare, and out into the pounding sunshine. Olive furrowed her little brows and put her pudgy hands over her eyes as if she could turn the sun off. Unlike me, and like Meghan, my little girl hated the hot sun and prefered when it rained.
I blanked out, and remembered a time when Meaghan was still here. When Olive was still inside her, and life was good. Well- as good as it could get for a pregnant teenage couple who had been disowned by majority of the world.
Meaghan is sitting in my great grandma's old rocking chair. It's a dark mahogany, and is detailed in a faded gold, dusty blue, and soft olive. She's rocking back and forth, as I enter the room. But I pause in the doorway. Meghan's back is to me, but I can see her cradling her profound stomach. Right hand on top, left on bottom.
She's singing. Meghan never sings other than in the shower and that one time after I sang (horribly) to her after she told me she was pregnant. Her voice carries through the room, a sweet ringing sound that will stay with me forever. And so will the lullabye she was crooning to her unborn baby..
"'Dream me a life where it passes you by,
The sun always shines, and clouds never cry.
Dream me the fields of dandelions bloom,
Where there is always plenty of room.
Dream me a world were we could be free,
A world that I would like to see.
Dream me a love we'd be given the chance.
All I want is for our love's circumstance.
Dream me a night were the stars always shine,
The moon whispers songs that are forever mine.
Give me hope that love will never die,
Oh, how we could be, honey, dream of me..'"
My throat closes up and Meghan finishes her song and twists herself in the chair so she's facing me. She's smiling and it reaches her eyes, yet the darkness under them show me how much this baby has been keeping her up. Guilt washes through me. I did this to her, made her feel this pain and exhaustion. And somehow, she still loves me..
That part always confused me.
"Enjoying the kareoke?" Meghan said with a wry smile. Her soft, cracked voice was like church music to me; my soul felt free and like I was in my own heaven. Well, I'm not a religious person but it was as if Meghan was my own religion. I believed in everything she did and loved her more than anything. Her voice was like the soft organ, and everything she said I cherised as if it was real doctrine from God. Sure I did believe in God but we didn't have the best relationship.. and that was something Meghan was helping me change.
"I wouldn't call it kareoke." I said while walking farther into the nursery. Meghan's eyebrows went up in suprise. She doesn't believe she's a good singer, but really doesn't expect me to hate her voice even though it's quite the opposite.
"I would call it beautiful. Just the girl it's coming from.." I mumbled softly, and tipped her chin up and I gave her a small, but sweet kiss. These days, Meghan was- different, we'll say. Cranky, exhausted. But she was still my Meggy.
"I love you so much." Meghan whipsered, my forehead against her own. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent as I stroked her smooth. It was her mango shampoo, her Dove soap, and something that I could never place my finger on but to me, it smelled it a springtime. If thats possible.. but I whispered back to her, as if it was as easy as breathing, "I love you too.."
I felt my large italian nose being squeezed. I was broken out of my blissful reverie by little Olive frowning at me, with her chubby fingers squeezing my nose with all her might. I scrunch up my nose at her and said in a high pitched cartoon voice, "Hey! What are you doing silly girl? Thats my nose!"
Olive giggled and let go then wrapped her arms around my neck. I stroked her unruly curls and made my way back up the hill, back to my dilapidated house with my unconditionally loving mother and her pain in the ass boyfriend. Oh. Joy.