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If you really knew me..
you'd know that I do think i'm pretty,
I just don't think i'm pretty enough,
and I am constantly comparing myself,
to my friends and to models and even
to random people. I point out every
flaw I can find in myself.
you'd know I am never happy with my weight.
I eat as healthy as I can, I even excersize,
I mean okay if i eat a small bag of chips,
that shouldn't kill me, because then I go and
workout and burn usually all of it off,
but it takes me so long to lose enough,
and after losing like 7 pounds,
I get unmotivated and stop trying so hard,
I've tried making myself throw up,
skipping meals..
I don't know if i'll ever have the body I want.
you'd know I have such a hard time getting along with my parents
and we fight usually everyday, and I regret it because I constantly
have dreams that my dad dies in a car crash or my mom gets cancer,
and it makes me so scared that its a sign, but I just like to have
things my way, and I will fight back and even though I know
I should do things first time i'm told and not sass back my parents
I do it.
you'd know i'm popular, i'm in the popular clique at school and
as cliche as it sounds were called 7-Pak and we've been refered
as that by the principal,teachers, & girls in our grade.
because of this, many girls dislike me and think i'm mean,
we get in trouble if there's a problem, and are assumed to be
"bullies" to be completely honest, i'd say were nicer then
the girls that start the rumors saying were mean.
this year i've had 3 detentions, and been to the office,
4 times, my group had to go to group therapy,
and we had to have a girls world thing where all the girls
in my grade met up three times a week and talked
about being nice, basicly because people thing our group
is excluding, and mean. i hate having the label as that
and i hate people thinking i'm some terrible person,
just because i'm popular.
you'd know i have such high goals set for me in life,
i want to go to UCLA, it's been my dream,
and i want to spend a summer in NC and fall in love,
i want to intern at a fashion magazine,
start my own line,
be on a reality show,
get parts in movies,
write an album,
and be succesful,
many people have told me i need to stop aiming so high,
or have smaller goals,
but i don't want to give up,
i only have one life and i want to live it the best i can.
you'd know i'm afraid of the stupidest things,
like the dark, or dying, or being alone, or getting kidnapped,
or the microwave after 10 PM, or things i know won't ever happen,
and i don't know why.
i just get so scared.
you'd know i constantly have to have someone to text or IM
or i'll feel completely alone,
i love to have someone to text when i fall asleep,
i feel more secure,
because as i said, i get scared easily.
you'd know i'm one of the most paranoid people ever,
if my dads an hour late coming home at night
i think he's dead
i think i'll get killed walking alone
and i think i'll get terrorist attacked on planes.
you'd know i'm extremely worried for high school,
i'm worried i won't be the same like i am in junior high now,
this will sound bad but i don't want to stop being in the popular clique,
i want to be one of the girls everyone wants to be friends with and thinks shes pretty,
and i know in high school, i won't fit tthat image well
and i hate realizing that,
i do not want to lose my friends from my school,
i've known them my whole life,
it's gonna KILL me when i go to high school,
and the only girl of my close friends going to the school i probably am is lucy,
who recently came to my school,
even though shes my best friend, i've known her the shortest.
you'd know i want to fall in love, for real,
i want to find someone to love me,
as soon as i can,
i want to be happy 24/7 knowing i can think about someone,
knowing they love me.
you'd know i'll update this again soon.
you'd know that I do think i'm pretty,
I just don't think i'm pretty enough,
and I am constantly comparing myself,
to my friends and to models and even
to random people. I point out every
flaw I can find in myself.
you'd know I am never happy with my weight.
I eat as healthy as I can, I even excersize,
I mean okay if i eat a small bag of chips,
that shouldn't kill me, because then I go and
workout and burn usually all of it off,
but it takes me so long to lose enough,
and after losing like 7 pounds,
I get unmotivated and stop trying so hard,
I've tried making myself throw up,
skipping meals..
I don't know if i'll ever have the body I want.
you'd know I have such a hard time getting along with my parents
and we fight usually everyday, and I regret it because I constantly
have dreams that my dad dies in a car crash or my mom gets cancer,
and it makes me so scared that its a sign, but I just like to have
things my way, and I will fight back and even though I know
I should do things first time i'm told and not sass back my parents
I do it.
you'd know i'm popular, i'm in the popular clique at school and
as cliche as it sounds were called 7-Pak and we've been refered
as that by the principal,teachers, & girls in our grade.
because of this, many girls dislike me and think i'm mean,
we get in trouble if there's a problem, and are assumed to be
"bullies" to be completely honest, i'd say were nicer then
the girls that start the rumors saying were mean.
this year i've had 3 detentions, and been to the office,
4 times, my group had to go to group therapy,
and we had to have a girls world thing where all the girls
in my grade met up three times a week and talked
about being nice, basicly because people thing our group
is excluding, and mean. i hate having the label as that
and i hate people thinking i'm some terrible person,
just because i'm popular.
you'd know i have such high goals set for me in life,
i want to go to UCLA, it's been my dream,
and i want to spend a summer in NC and fall in love,
i want to intern at a fashion magazine,
start my own line,
be on a reality show,
get parts in movies,
write an album,
and be succesful,
many people have told me i need to stop aiming so high,
or have smaller goals,
but i don't want to give up,
i only have one life and i want to live it the best i can.
you'd know i'm afraid of the stupidest things,
like the dark, or dying, or being alone, or getting kidnapped,
or the microwave after 10 PM, or things i know won't ever happen,
and i don't know why.
i just get so scared.
you'd know i constantly have to have someone to text or IM
or i'll feel completely alone,
i love to have someone to text when i fall asleep,
i feel more secure,
because as i said, i get scared easily.
you'd know i'm one of the most paranoid people ever,
if my dads an hour late coming home at night
i think he's dead
i think i'll get killed walking alone
and i think i'll get terrorist attacked on planes.
you'd know i'm extremely worried for high school,
i'm worried i won't be the same like i am in junior high now,
this will sound bad but i don't want to stop being in the popular clique,
i want to be one of the girls everyone wants to be friends with and thinks shes pretty,
and i know in high school, i won't fit tthat image well
and i hate realizing that,
i do not want to lose my friends from my school,
i've known them my whole life,
it's gonna KILL me when i go to high school,
and the only girl of my close friends going to the school i probably am is lucy,
who recently came to my school,
even though shes my best friend, i've known her the shortest.
you'd know i want to fall in love, for real,
i want to find someone to love me,
as soon as i can,
i want to be happy 24/7 knowing i can think about someone,
knowing they love me.
you'd know i'll update this again soon.
Last edited by addie kat on Sun Aug 01, 2010 1:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
