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If you really knew me....
If you really knew me, you'd know that I hate being wrong.
I don't know why, I just hate being wrong. I feel like I
fail when I'm wrong.
If you really knew me, you'd know I'm actually not a bitch.
I'm a nice girl, I really am. I'm just hardened. And I'm
also uncomfortable around people I don't know.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm very smart.
Not like, Albert Einstein or anything, but I'm smart.
Yet I'm very stupid at the same time.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I love big. I
open my heart to everyone. And it hurts me a lot, but
I can't stop the fact that I love big.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I only have a
few friends. I might love big, but I don't open up my
life to many people. I love everyone, but I let very
few people in, if that makes sense.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I've been on
the verge of my breaking point for weeks now. I'm not
sure what I'll do when I finally break. Nothing too
stupid, I hope.
If you really knew me, you'd know I trust a few of you
more than anyone else in my life. That scares me. I
wish I could know you all and have you right here in my
life. Because you aren't, I'm convinced I pissed someone
in Heaven off, and this is how I'm paying for it.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm still not
over Ben and Kayla. I try my hardest to forget, but
every time I see Ben, it's like a giant slap in the
face.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I really want to
hate Ben, but I can't. He's a really great guy who made
a really big mistake. Sadly, I can't overlook the mistake,
but I can't overlook how he changed my life either.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have big dreams.
You'd know that I'm the girl that wants to win the Grammy,
the girl who wants to do something with her life. I just
don't think I ever will.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I think life sucks
balls. But you'd also know that I don't want to give up.
I have too much going for me to just end it.
If you really knew me, you'd know that my favorite bible
verse is John 3:16. I remember doing VBS [vacation bible
school] as a kid and singing a song about John 3:16. It's
changed my life.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I don't have a very
good relationship with my father. He's been a major influence
in how I live my life. And he taught me how NOT to treat
people that you love.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have a very low
tolerance for people that claim how bad their life is.
Yeah, life sucks. We get that. But you don't need to tell
me every second of the day when I have my own issues to
deal with, thank you very much.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I love to just sit
down and write music and lyrics. Music affects my day-to-
day life. Especially Eminem's new song "Not Afraid."
If you really knew me, you'd know that I have a lot more
to add to this, but I don't want to make you guys feel
like you have to listen. You don't, by the way.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I think you're a
saint for reading this entire thing. And I love you to
pieces.
Love, Stephanie.
