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If you really knew me, you'd know that..
I'm very paranoid.
A few months ago, there were a lot of break in and attempted break ins close to me. One of my neighbors from down the street came home one day to find that someone had tried to break in to their house (the window was smashed), and another kid from my school who I've known since kindergarden's house got broken into also. Whenever I'm home alone and someone rings the doorbell or knocks on the door, I run upstairs and hide in my closet. I start shaking so much that I can hardly breathe, and I just stay in there until I see the person walk away. One time, I actually called the police on my own mom because she forgot the key & was knocking on the door so hard.. I just think that someone's gonna break into my house or something.
In February of this year, I was walking home from my friend's house alone (it was like 5 or 6 PM) and an old man rolled down his window and stopped his car in front of me. He asked me to get into his car and let him take me out to dinner. Luckily, I was just about home so I RAN the last few blocks. He followed me for two blocks or so, and then drove away, but I was so scared. I can't even explain how I felt. I got home and told my parents and we called the police. I went in for so many questionings, and I got taken out of class every day that week to go talk to someone; the police, a detective, the social worker. They ended up finding the guy, and hopefully he won't be doing anything like that ever again. Because of that, I am so scared to go anywhere alone.. That was seriously the scariest day of my life. I honestly thought that guy was going to kidnap me and kill me or something. /:
The only reason I'm still friends with one of my friends is because I'm scared of what she'll do to me if I confront her.
I have this one friend who I've been friends with since we were little. She's changed so much since I first met her. She hangs out with the popular kids now and she's a major attention whore. All the guys love her, and she loves all the guys. We still think of eachother as friends, even though we're on different levels, but I'm not so sure if she has the same likeness for me as I do for her. On the last day of school, she decided to hang out with a few of her friends at the mall. She asked me to come with, and I wasn't really doing anything, so I said okay. We all went to the Apple store and you know how kids take pictures there with their friends and post them on Facebook? Yeah, well we decided to do that. So all of us got into the picture and she said to me, "Hannah, is it okay if you're not in the picture?" I just looked at her. I didn't know what to say. "I mean, it's just.. You know my boyfriend right? Well he doesn't go to our school, so he's never seen you before, and I don't really want him to see you.." I looked at her and then I walked right out of the store. I sat outside and when they were leaving, she came up to me and was just like, "No hard feelings." Well you know what? I was so mad at her. She basically just said that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see she hangs out with me. That's just cold. If he really loved you, he wouldn't CARE who you hang out with. Your friends don't make you; you make yourself. I really want to tell her that if she's gonna be mean to me like that, then I don't want to be friends with her anymore. But since she's popular, I'm afraid of how she can use her status to do something to me. I mean, she could EASILY turn all the popular people against me, & since they're popular, they can make me feel inferior. I just don't know how much longer I can take her.. I wish I had courage. I wish I was brave. I wish I wasn't so shy. I wish I wasn't so non-confrontational.
My family is more dysfunctional than I'd like to admit.
I have a nice house with a loving mom, a caring dad, and a younger brother. I know there are some people out there who would kill for a family like that. Just because I have a nice life with the people in my house doesn't mean the rest of my relatives are close to me. My dad came here from England fourteen years ago, and he hasn't been back since. I don't know ANYTHING about my dad's side of the family. I know he has two sisters, but I don't know their names. He's got a mom and a dad, but I don't know anything about them either. Heck, I don't even know what they look like. I've never heard their voices on the telephone, never seen their writing in a card, and I've never seen any pictures of them. I probably have cousins who I have no clue about, a grandma who might not even know I exist, or an aunt that doesn't even know my name. I think that's really sad, and if I ever go to England, I want to try and find them. On the other hand, my mom's side is only a little bit better. Yeah, I've met all of them, and yeah, they all live in the same state as me, but we hardly see eachother. My grandpa died four years ago, and ever since then, my grandma's been traveling all over the world with her friends. Maybe it's a way for her to get away from the house and the memories of him, but I just wish I could see her more. My uncle is always busy with work, and my aunt smokes so I'm not really supposed to be around her. The only time all of us are really together are on the holidays, and one of them usually ends up not coming anyways. I know that if you step into my house, we might seem like one big happy family, but if you step back a little bit and look at the whole picture, my family is falling apart at the seams.
A few months ago, there were a lot of break in and attempted break ins close to me. One of my neighbors from down the street came home one day to find that someone had tried to break in to their house (the window was smashed), and another kid from my school who I've known since kindergarden's house got broken into also. Whenever I'm home alone and someone rings the doorbell or knocks on the door, I run upstairs and hide in my closet. I start shaking so much that I can hardly breathe, and I just stay in there until I see the person walk away. One time, I actually called the police on my own mom because she forgot the key & was knocking on the door so hard.. I just think that someone's gonna break into my house or something.
In February of this year, I was walking home from my friend's house alone (it was like 5 or 6 PM) and an old man rolled down his window and stopped his car in front of me. He asked me to get into his car and let him take me out to dinner. Luckily, I was just about home so I RAN the last few blocks. He followed me for two blocks or so, and then drove away, but I was so scared. I can't even explain how I felt. I got home and told my parents and we called the police. I went in for so many questionings, and I got taken out of class every day that week to go talk to someone; the police, a detective, the social worker. They ended up finding the guy, and hopefully he won't be doing anything like that ever again. Because of that, I am so scared to go anywhere alone.. That was seriously the scariest day of my life. I honestly thought that guy was going to kidnap me and kill me or something. /:
The only reason I'm still friends with one of my friends is because I'm scared of what she'll do to me if I confront her.
I have this one friend who I've been friends with since we were little. She's changed so much since I first met her. She hangs out with the popular kids now and she's a major attention whore. All the guys love her, and she loves all the guys. We still think of eachother as friends, even though we're on different levels, but I'm not so sure if she has the same likeness for me as I do for her. On the last day of school, she decided to hang out with a few of her friends at the mall. She asked me to come with, and I wasn't really doing anything, so I said okay. We all went to the Apple store and you know how kids take pictures there with their friends and post them on Facebook? Yeah, well we decided to do that. So all of us got into the picture and she said to me, "Hannah, is it okay if you're not in the picture?" I just looked at her. I didn't know what to say. "I mean, it's just.. You know my boyfriend right? Well he doesn't go to our school, so he's never seen you before, and I don't really want him to see you.." I looked at her and then I walked right out of the store. I sat outside and when they were leaving, she came up to me and was just like, "No hard feelings." Well you know what? I was so mad at her. She basically just said that she doesn't want her boyfriend to see she hangs out with me. That's just cold. If he really loved you, he wouldn't CARE who you hang out with. Your friends don't make you; you make yourself. I really want to tell her that if she's gonna be mean to me like that, then I don't want to be friends with her anymore. But since she's popular, I'm afraid of how she can use her status to do something to me. I mean, she could EASILY turn all the popular people against me, & since they're popular, they can make me feel inferior. I just don't know how much longer I can take her.. I wish I had courage. I wish I was brave. I wish I wasn't so shy. I wish I wasn't so non-confrontational.
My family is more dysfunctional than I'd like to admit.
I have a nice house with a loving mom, a caring dad, and a younger brother. I know there are some people out there who would kill for a family like that. Just because I have a nice life with the people in my house doesn't mean the rest of my relatives are close to me. My dad came here from England fourteen years ago, and he hasn't been back since. I don't know ANYTHING about my dad's side of the family. I know he has two sisters, but I don't know their names. He's got a mom and a dad, but I don't know anything about them either. Heck, I don't even know what they look like. I've never heard their voices on the telephone, never seen their writing in a card, and I've never seen any pictures of them. I probably have cousins who I have no clue about, a grandma who might not even know I exist, or an aunt that doesn't even know my name. I think that's really sad, and if I ever go to England, I want to try and find them. On the other hand, my mom's side is only a little bit better. Yeah, I've met all of them, and yeah, they all live in the same state as me, but we hardly see eachother. My grandpa died four years ago, and ever since then, my grandma's been traveling all over the world with her friends. Maybe it's a way for her to get away from the house and the memories of him, but I just wish I could see her more. My uncle is always busy with work, and my aunt smokes so I'm not really supposed to be around her. The only time all of us are really together are on the holidays, and one of them usually ends up not coming anyways. I know that if you step into my house, we might seem like one big happy family, but if you step back a little bit and look at the whole picture, my family is falling apart at the seams.
I'll update this more later.
And sorry it's so long. It just feels good to get that all off my chest.
And sorry it's so long. It just feels good to get that all off my chest.
