chapter sixteen.
I walked out onto the field, my head held high feeling like I was on top of the world and that I could conquer anything. I was starting on varsity for our first practice game. It seems really early in the season to me, but hey I guess when it rains all the time, you play when you can. I had my hair tied up in a ribbon, my shinguards taped, my shorts short, and my jersey loose, my sports bra tight. In other words, the best feeling in the world. I scanned the crowd as we warmed up and saw the cheerleaders practicing, Pete, Cody, and Jenna sitting in the stands, and Joey standing on the side holding a gatorade with a ribbon around it, staring at me. I beamed and when Coach told us to go get water, I rushed off to hug him.
"Goodluck." He kissed my cheek and I grinned, running to the middle of the field. We huddled in the middle of the field, our arms strung across everyones' backs. Piper, our captain, gave us a long strung pep talk, all of us pumping up.
"Let's go ladies!" I yelled and we all clapped, running to our positions on the field. The whistle was blown and Piper tapped it to me, I passed it back and Madison drilled it. Piper and I ran at the ball, weaving between the green-clad players of the other team. One of the girls on the Mustangs kicked it out and I raced to grab the ball, throwing it high over the other girls' heads straight to Piper, who battled with another defender to win a corner kick.
For the rest of the half, my asthma started to ache but I pushed through it. We were up 2-0, Piper and I scoring a goal each. Finally the whistle for half time blew and I jogged off the field for a rest and to recharge quickly. My asthma was still irritating me by the time I walked out on the field but I didn't want to take my inhaler just yet in case that it got worse, because that had happened before. The Mustangs wanted to get back, badly. So I had to run harder, sprint faster, kick farther. My throat felt like it was closing, my lungs on fire. Tears were brought to my eyes and I had to call for a time-out.
"Pete!" I called for my inhaler, but he was no where in the crowd. I started gasping, my team circling around me.
"Pete!" They all started calling, but no one came for me. Finally I had to go sit out because it wasn't easing up, and Brandy had to go in. I sat on the sidelines, my lungs exploding in pain, tears streaming down my face slightly. My entire body was shaking and my throat felt like it was the diameter of an inch. The final whistle was blown and my team walked off of the field, winners. We went through the high-fives and finally my asthma started to let up. Where the hell was Pete? He promised he'd be there. Joey tried to walk up to me but I had to walk away, I'd text and apologize later. I was physically and emotionally all over the map right now.
"Tay!" Someone shouted and I saw Cody, and suddenly his arms were around me, and I was sobbing into his chest. This is just fabulous! The new girl who will be known as the crier. That is such a great reputation! That thought made me cry harder. He lead me over to my stuff and I grabbed my bags, still crying, but holding my head high. 'Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine,' in the words of Taylor Swift and I shined. I shined. I climbed into the backseat of Cody's car, his mom throwing him a questioning look and he quietly just asked her to drive me home. I looked out the window, the pain finally leaving completely, but the tears were like a dam let loose. There was no stopping them for a while. Within a matter of minutes, I was home. I managed to choke out a "thank you" before plodding up the steps to the house and letting myself in.
"Taylor, honey what's wrong?" Paula ran towards me and put her arms around me.
"Why don't you ask your son." I said quietly.
"Where is he?" She said with an edge in her tone.
"I've been wondering the same thing." I said, extracting myself from her gasp and I saw her looking out the window, seeing the back of Cody's car.
"What happened?" Paula asked, studying me in concern. I must have looked like hell.
Just thinking about it brought a fresh new wave of tears. I couldn't even speak.
"Just go shower honey." She touched my arm and I nodded, gliding away from her.
I looked in my mirror, mascara tracked down my face, mud on my cheek, my hair messed up, and my cheeks puffy. I turned away, the reflection just upseting me more. I took a long, hot shower trying to wash away everything, but I just couldn't. I got out and climbed into Juicy sweats and a tank top, throwing my hair on top of my head. I walked out of my room and Pete was standing there. I brushed passed him.
"Taylor." He called.
"NO!" I whirled on him. "No! Don't you even talk to me Pete!" I yelled.
He stood there, his mouth open.
"Pete, why the hell is she so mad at you?" Ben snapped. "And why did Cody have to take her home?"
"Shit, I don't know." Pete said in shock, hardly registering that he had just cursed in front of the entire family.
"Maybe the fact that you promised you would be there with my inhaler? Maybe that I had one of the worst asthma attacks I have ever had and you weren't there!" I screeched. "You were off with Jenna." I added on in anger, and even though it was a wild guess, I knew that it was true the moment I said it. "You were off with Jenna." I whispered again.
His face was blank and the entire family stood there, motionless, shocked at my explosion.
I laughed. I must be insane.
"Taylor, I didn't-" Pete started.
"Didn't what, exactly?" I cut him off. "Didn't know that family comes first? Didn't know that I'd actually need my inhaler? Didn't think that you'd get caught?" I said.
Pete's face fell. I turned on my heel, walked into my bedroom and slammed the door before he saw even more tears.
"What were you doing with Jenna, Pete?" Paula yelled. He was getting in so much trouble. And it gave me no satisfaction. I lay in my bed and I cried and cried, feeling so alone. Finally my alarm went off the next morning. I got up, put on a comfortable flannel, Jeggings, and Uggs. My hair was still in a wet knot on my head, and I combed it out, letting it dry wavy. I put on no makeup and ate my breakfast slowly, dreading the car ride to school. When I could do no more dawdling, I climbed into the passenger seat.
"Taylor." Pete started.
"Don't talk to me." I said immediately.
"I'm sorry." He murmured and the rest of the ride was in silence.
Incredibly painful silence.
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